so it is almost week 1 of ramadan 2010 and up until this morning i was really feeling neutral about things.
last year was my first ramadan and having had ‘officially’ reverted only a few days earlier, the excitement of fasting and being part of the ummah easily facilitated the experience of ramadan for me. although only a year later, it feels as though so much has happened since embracing islam and not surprisingly year’s experience vastly differs from my first ramadan.
of course, every one of my experiences has been positive and alhamdullilah i think im growing every day. im not the naive ‘new muslim’ that i was a year back. im sure this time next year, the statements will even be bolder:) but it interest me ‘watch myself’ now compared to the person i was a year back. for one, i think through my own research and through interacting with various people, im increasingly realising how many of the things (well meaning muslims) said to me a year ago were really just their misplaced interpretations of things. i remember someone told me once that i should shower with my nightie on because the jinn ‘watch’ you like that!!!!
whereas last year i was a an absolute sponge, just taking in everything people told me, i think im starting to mature into a pragmatic and critical person. its an evolutionary process. its nice to know that i am developing my own opinions on islamic matters (based on quranic evidence i pray) and viewpoints on things, rather than just accepting what people tell me or what the imam says at the friday khutbah.
anyway, i digress.
up until today, i was feeling rather robotic and somewhat dispirited because i just havent felt like i was fully engaged in this year’s fast. it just felt like i was going through the motions (sehri-iftar-sehri-iftar) without really fully appreciating what is really a wonderful and blessed month. so yesterday after isha i set aside some time and just made dua and asked Allah (swt) to give me strength to deal wth the things i am juggling (or is it, failing to juggle?!) at the moment: school, work, spirituality, (my severely neglected) family, (non existant) exercise regime, keeping my flat decent and the list goes on……
then it happens that this morning i woke up feeling really energised and i probably had the most restful night of sleep ever. i had lots of time after sehri and instead of collapsing onto my bed for a quick snooze like i usually do, i found the inspiration to pick up my Quran…..and i just read and read and read…….and so it happened, subhanallah back on course!